19th August - Emerging from winter

Spring is here! From our own garden, I'm making bouquets of daffodils and irises to give to the Oncology nurses. The trees are budding, birds are making nests and our ewes are heavily pregnant (lambs due next weekend). It gives us great joy and wonder to witness mother nature wake from her winter slumber.

Pat is struggling with his stoma. It's stopping him from doing most activities. It can be at times uncomfortable but lately also painful. So we met with the upper gastro intestinal surgeon this week. We now face a dilemma: stop the chemo and have surgery, or continue the chemo and live with it. Which is the lesser evil?

The chemo does not go in easily. Pat's veins are collapsing and the nurses struggle to find one to use. The chemo medicines going into the veins are also painful. The nurses keep suggesting a port or a pick be installed. Both have pros and cons and neither are going to help Pat live a normal life. We've been delaying this decision for as long as possible but it looks like it is time to choose.

Pat is completing his second cycle of chemo today. The CT scan is on Monday and then we meet with an Oncology doctor to review. Will the tumour have reduced in size? Do we operate to have it removed (along with all the internal organs that it is attached to)? Or do we continue with this chemo treatment, and if so, how long will Pat's body tolerate it, and how long will the cancer respond to it? When either of those things happen, then do we try less-proven chemo treatments?

We've been living a hibernated limbo life over winter. But as spring wakes up our little farm, Pat's body is also calling for change. It is time for us to make some hard decisions. Our mood is low because all of the paths on this journey are going to be difficult.