16th Sept - A ray of sunshine

The rollercoaster ride of life intensified these past few weeks. There have been some very cloudy days interspersed with moments of glorious sunshine, literally and figuratively.

The world lost some very precious people recently. The news is full of bereavement for the more famous but for us it was the loss of my friend Fiona's dear husband Llewyn, and our friend Stacey's partner Mike, that has hit us hard. Also, on the farm, we lost three ewes: one in early pregnancy, one in late pregnancy, and the last in birthing. Yes they are animals, still their helplessness and suffering was very hard to witness and, despite frequent vet visits, we were devastated that we could not save them.

Between those very sad moments, we've had rays of sunshine. The paddocks are starting to dry out, spring has well and truly sprung, and the seven lambs are an absolutely job. Raising our little orphan lamb Iggy gives us the sunniest moments of all.

The brightest ray of sunshine that has lit our world is that Pat is on the waiting list for an operation to remove the tumour. A specialist surgeon is prepared to do the procedure and we have been accepted at Austin Hospital. Listed as Category 1 (urgent), we are now waiting for the date. We made the decision to proceed down this path because it gives us hope for a recovery. It's extremely risky and a major (12 hr long) surgery, with a very long recovery period. However, the alternative of a long slow decline with no hope and a painful end is even more appalling.

While we wait, Pat remains on the chemo break and builds his physical strength. As he does, he can do more and enjoy more, and thereby also builds his mental strength. My "old" Pat is returning.

And me... despite being scared to be too optimistic, thoughts of the life we had planned are sneaking in, like streaks of hopeful sunlight appearing from behind those dark cancer clouds.